Its that time of the year

Its that time of the year again when we bid adieu to the outgoing calender year in the midst of parties, celebrations and welcome the incoming calender year with hopes, aspirations and prayers.  I'm beginning to love year ends, simply for the fact that one chapter full of distinct memories ends for a new one to take its place. 

At the end of every year when there are only a few days left, one cannot help but look back in hindsight; 2011 has been one sizzler of a chapter. It was like a bottle of wine, ageing elegantly and getting better with time. It is remarkable how reality and relativity catch up with us and make us realize certain perspectives we thought never existed.

1.What seems like a few months ago when I recollect moving into my first own room in Germany is a whisker short of a year now.

2. What seemed like my first trip into continental Europe in early 2011 was followed subsequently by plenty many; to my surprise of course.

3. What seemed like my first post in Spring 2011, is now quite some distance behind with 20 odd posts adding to it.

4. My first blog comment came in mid 2011 from one of my favorite blog writers; extremely cherished, it has paved way for all that I have today with regards to this blog space.

5. Many other firsts. 

Standing in the freezing cold New years Parade on the cusp of the new year almost a year ago, I resolved to feel grateful every single day in 2011. Although I have to admit I haven't quite kept up this resolution I cannot help but feel grateful for all the experiences and memories that 2011 has given me personally, academically and otherwise. Its almost as if there is a grand plan in the background to custom fit a different sentiment and experience for each moment, day, week, month and season of the year. In the end the out of the ordinary memories; happy, sad, boring or otherwise survive. 

I must admit that I will certainly not look at 2011 - 5,10 or 15 years down the line as just another year bade goodbye to but as the year I encountered certain events and people who made it memorable and worth remembering. At this point I must acknowledge every single reader of this blog for having taken the time to read the seldom sensible and mostly nonsensical write ups that I publish on this space. 

A specific mention must also be made to every single person who has commented on the posts that have been put up till date. I salute you for staying till the end of each post and taking the time to tell me your thoughts; your words have helped me grow in more ways than you can think and albeit temporarily keep me from being the lazy head that I usually am.

2011 has been extra special in more ways than I can think and chiefly responsible for making it so awesome are the following, I cannot even begin to appreciate what they have done for me:-

1. Ms Red - with pretty Green eyes, she calls herself Red Handed with an ugly head; little realizing how much color and laughter she brings into her readers' lives with her ever so famous rib cracking humor.

2. Ms Spiff - Humor, not blood runs in her veins. This Virgo has injected a smile on my face each time I felt even slightly less awesome. # TrueStory

3. PeeVee - fluent narration and emotion come naturally to her. She never fails to amaze me with every single post that she comes up with.

4. Nirvana - super funny Mommy of two writes like a dream leaving me wondering why she doesn't do it full time. Her comments are something I look forward to after each post.

5.Viya - Infectiously and perennially bubbly, this wannabe architect writes with the frequency of a bullet train and her art work, photographs and doodling are not even minor glimpses of her immense artistic competencies. 

6. Meoww - A supercharged battery of bubblyness; this IT professional and Cat lover radiates randomness effortlessly.

7. Dee Dee - Nautanki is not only her blog name but her standout trait. Her adventures leave the stunt directors of Bollywood desiring for more. 

A Big thank you to  - DIGS, Maithili, Confused Soul, Express, Shruthi,Priyanka, Crystal, Nick, Chandana, Shadia and many many many many others who's names might not find a mention here for putting up with me and my nonsense thus far.

The resolution for 2012 is the same as 2011 - feel grateful every night before going to bed.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

WHAT PLANS DO YOU GUYS HAVE FOR 2012?    

     
  





    

            
   
    

Lazy and Loving it.

BLEH ALERT

Have been in a very fickle mindset for the past few days; not being able to make up my otherwise firm mind  which if you must know does not cover up for the fact that I have been downright lazy in updating this space. Just that I haven't found anything interesting to do with this dark,depressing and motivation sapping weather here. One feels like retiring to bed after 4 in the evening when its already pitch dark outside and hunger strikes earlier than expected. The only plus side to winter is being able to watch  the dreamy white snowflakes populate the lawns and driveways while armed with a cup of steaming coffee and simultaneously resting your feet against the heater - Therapeutic I must say.

With the sub zero temperatures, snow and practically nothing to do; the roomie and I ransacked the kitchen this weekend to end up making - Nutella and Butter filled French Croissants. For one, eating fresh food out of the oven is probably the closest I`m going to get to orgasmic and secondly the kitchen has additional heaters making it all the more attractive to stand next to a fuming hot electric stove or an oven.  

This is how they turned out.

After gorging on only half a dozen (On a diet you see :P) of these babies and taking a nice long siesta in the dead of the day, I can safely say this weekend was eventful.               

                                                              What have you guys been upto?

PS: What do you guys think of the header? 

  

The Homosexual Juggernaut

Homosexuality in the motherland has assumed a whole new perspective in the past few years. With increased awareness in the print, television and online media, the resistance towards this concept has weakened considerably with time and is definitely gaining more acceptance by the day which not only indicates that we are evolving as a society but is proof enough that humanity is alive and kicking.  

As with any new concept, there is a certain degree of misunderstanding and opposition that comes as a package deal. For instance, when the Live-In relationship started gaining prominence; the conservatives dismissed it as a passing cloud that would not survive the test of time but reality as we know it is strikingly different.

In the post Dostana era, when people are more open to the idea of accepting homosexual roommates or co-workers for that matter; much good has been done for the homosexual fraternity but there seems to be trouble brewing for the singles aka 'people like myself'. Why, you ask? 

Reasons underscoring why life as we know it has become tortuous post the Dostana era for Singleton's/Singletini's 

1. You cannot call your best friend - boyfriend anymore. The word Boyfriend's exclusive copyrights now belong to the ladies and gays apparently. Despite that, if you still do use it, what ensues is a cluster of mocking innuendos with you as the central target.

2. Hugging has become taboo suddenly; even a lightning quick 1.5 second hug with a pat on the back. What was totally appropriate 3 years ago, now stands restrained or even relegated. 

3. A Handshake between 2 perfectly straight gentlemen does not last for more than 3 seconds. Any longer and either or both gentlemen will shake the other palm off them lest they come across as homosexual to each other and the world.

4. If you thought homo's are changing the socially accepted convention only for the gentlemen, think again because Female royalty also have a problem with homosexual nomenclature; because Gays are stealing away their limelight as they are also called Queens. 

5. If you thought Gays were making only single guys uncomfortable you're probably wrong. Single ladies seem to be the most affected lot because they find it difficult to tell the gay men from the straight men. Don't believe me?

Read one affected soul's heart rendering anecdote here. 

Its no surprise that the line - All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive, married to someone else or gay is among the most popular one liners of the decade gone by. 

6. A Single guy/girl above a certain cut-off age(varies from region to region) is automatically perceived to be leaning towards homosexuality under the guise of him/her being in the aforementioned state of singleness.

7. Anyone with a noticeable lisp is pronounced to be gay irrespective of the justification given by the said individual.

8. Ear piercing in men has been a regularity for sometime now; a ear piercing on the wrong side and bang, they are termed fruity.          

On a closing note, I leave you with a strikingly different perception of the homosexual conundrum.

  

  

PS: This write up is not aimed to anger or instigate any of our homosexual friends; is meant to be taken only in jest. However if any part of the write up offends you personally, please do write in. 

PS 1: What got me thinking was the absurdity behind this article:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2068810/Saudis-fear-virgins-people-turn-gay-female-drive-ban-lifted.html

What do you think are some other common misunderstandings? 

                 

Of Hot Spots and Jackpots

Recently there has been this continuous wave of blog writers taking a sabbatical from their blog writing owing to reasons ranging from paucity of time to sheer laziness to mind blocks to attend to the push and pull of their regular lives. The blog world doesn't seem the same without my Favorite Blog writers around and their regular dose of inspired writing which got me here in the first place.

Since I have no standing on matters such as Time paucity, Sheer Laziness and attending to the push and pull of their daily chores, all of which I`m sure plague the lives of these blessed souls. I thought I would write something on Writers Block to help out their case a little.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I put forth my research on situations/ hot spots wherein the creative juices flow more fluidly.

1. The Washroom -

The toilet has probably been the Butt of many jokes since its invention mainly because of the bodily functions associated with it and tending to make people squeamish talking about it. The toilet has been an integral part of the human hygiene system and is certainly no flush in the pan.      

I`m fairly certain most of us get some of our most inspired ideas while taking a shower or while using the toilet. Deny it all you may while making constipated faces, but there is solid research to prove that the most inspired ideas that have seen daylight in the history of mankind were conceived in the washroom. Many ideas and innovations ranging from the Archimedes Principle to the invention of the modern day toilet which if you must know figures on the top 10 list of the greatest inventions in history, were all achieved in washrooms.

Consider the famous Eureka moment; there lay the great Greek thinker, philosopher and mathematician   Archimedes bathing himself when it struck him that objects could be made to float  on water when they displace their own fluid weight. It could have happened to him while eating or while sleeping, nay; it struck him at that exact moment and when he ran buck naked across the streets of Sycrause yelling Eureka, Eureka, history was indeed made.

This topic also came to me in the loo but for you to fully understand the potential of the washroom and its effect on the grey juices, check out the Baap of Toilet humor - Kalpak.   

2. Exams-

Every student's nightmare,

Every parent's cause for anxiety,

An invigilator's swear zone

But an absolute idea landmine.

Honestly tell me, haven't you felt most creative during the time before an important exam or an important deadline for that matter. Even staring at a blank wall or the ceiling gives you the most creative ideas in this magical time called Exam season. Come vacation time, even though you have all the time in the world and the same wall/ceiling to stare at, the ideas just don't seem to flow as rapidly or fluidly as they did during exam season.

This just goes on to prove that We don't get what we want, when we want it.

3. Nature -

A popular haunt of many a famous thinker, it provides the necessary change up in scenario promoting the flow of thoughts and often leading to breakthroughs in the thought process. Whether it is the individual effect of the Fresh Air, Sunlight, Water or Greenery or the combined product of the aforementioned it has proven instrumental in catalyzing the flow of thoughts and is generally said to bring about a positive outcome.

4. People - 

Human beings are observers by nature, that's one of the basic tenets of Anthropology. Observing the way others behave and copying them as children and writing about how someone eats cookies dipped in plain yoghurt as bloggers; stems from the same focal point - People.

Whether it is witnessing a shrieking 4 year old getting pushed into a swimming pool to quell his fear of water or how someone mistook the contents of a finger bowl at a restaurant to be lemonade, people are a perennial source of ideas and never cease to amaze us. Conversations, observations, chats (both real and virtual) , texts, tweets, TV shows, music, movies and practically anything along these lines often serves as good fodder for ideas.   

              

5. Getting out of the Comfort Zone - 

It is said achievements both big and small occur when one treads out of one's comfort zone. So if you are plagued with a block, try some out of the ordinary stuff like taking an unplanned holiday or eating an ice-cream at -19 C ; basically something that will not get you killed or seriously injured. The out of the ordinary experience makes for apt blog writing and lets face it, there's loads of fun to be had at the same time. 

This is sometimes crucial because it helps broaden perspective, gets us out the rut and eliminates fear of acceptance plus everyone could always do with a little change up right?

What other ways do you think there are to beat the Blues?  

    

                    

       

Not in my Wildest Dreams

If something happens once, it is said to be a random occurrence

If something happens twice, it is said to be a coincidence.

If something happens thrice, it is said to be a hattrick of sorts

If something happens seven times, be rest assured that you have pulled off the awesome.

The awesome is what transpired this bygone weekend.

The sequence of events that unfolded this weekend(for lack of a better word) were as follows:-

a) The father had flown in here on work and I was getting to meet him after almost 8 months. Me shrieking like a 4 year old was not just because I was going to meet my father but also because I was going to say 'how you doin?' to the goodies he had graciously agreed to bring along with him. Enough credence cannot be given to the excitement one gets when one is informed to expect Sweets, Savories and other goodies from the homeland.

b) Meeting him felt so good, it was just like old times, him doing the interrogation with his endless list of inquiries and me being as clueless as being suddenly made to take a test in advanced Mandarin(Chinese). Jokes apart, getting a hug from him at the station was worth more to me than what is described below.

c) He does his trademark gig, pulls a fast one on me by announcing casually that we are taking a weekend trip to Switzerland.

Would you blame me if I went

   

I asked him to pinch me hard, which he dutifully did; just to make sure I was hearing him right.

c) Sure enough, next morning, off we went to Switzerland. Taking a ride on the Autobahn and blitzing away consistently at more than 170 km/h. We set foot onto Swiss soil sooner than expected. 

My weekend(again, for lack of better vocabulary) in pictures.   

  

Quite pleasant ain't it? :P

I`m just too tongue tied looking at this pic, please come up with a caption for this pic and knock me hard on my head when you do .

   

One of the many breathtaking views that was on offer

No better way to sign off than Food

I couldn't bring myself to leave the place and was almost in tears when Daddy dearest said it was time to bid adieu and go back to Germany. 

I experienced what this little girl did, the greatest moment of them all, laughing and crying at the same time and in freaking Switzerland. 

TSCHAU 

   

Betrothals, Babies and Bleh

RANT ALERT

Off late, I`ve been getting mails, facebook messages, phone calls(mostly in the wee hours of the morning *curses the time difference*) and texts in the dozens informing me that someone is either getting married, engaged, committed or popping out babies.

Just imagine, when someone(read : Bestie) calls you at 3 AM to tell you :-

a) That a schoolmate has given birth to triplets while cutting your gasped reply to 'TRIPLETS???' short by

b) Informing you that another guy buddy who used to play cricket with you in his Half Knickers and Hawai chappal is getting married in 10 days.

For heavens sake I shrieked and said - I thought he was just 20 , Bestie says - turns out he was.

c) That notwithstanding, a third schoolmate whose chats often remind me of the good old kiddy days was conned into visiting his ailing grandfather on his "DEATHBED" and married off in a matter of 3 days.     

Had anyone else dared calling me at that ungodly hour with news bits like these; 5 bygone generations of their family would have been royally blessed and showered with my ability to spew out swear words faster than a high end garden sprinkler that would have surely made them toss and turn in their graves.  

What is it about November huh, is it like a Year End Sale?

Take your pick; Babies, Husbands, Wives, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Boy/Girl Toys ---> Flat 70 % off.

HURRY,Offer Valid till stocks Last, 

*Conditions Apply.

On a more realistic note, the following picture adequately sums up what I`m going through right now.

       

SLEEPYHEADS

The withering leaves, chilly evenings and the morning frost on car windows are all indicative of the fact that winter is well and truly approaching. As a proud lazy head , I exercise my fundamental right to laze around, eat and sleep at any which time I deem right and rather aggressively, which by the way also makes me an efficient Lazy head. It is this very quality that has powered the research for this post.

Gentlemen and Rough ladies, I present to you this winter, my observations on Hibernators.

1. The Snoring Beauties :

This vintage category of hibernators have been famous since the time sliced bread was declared a breakthrough discovery. Infamous for disturbing the sleep, peace and mood of their co-hibernators they have quietly made a mark for themselves in the history books with the likes of Winston Churchill, Liz Taylor, Theodore Roosevelt among their ranks. The record for the world's loudest snore is held by a gentleman in the UK whose snores supposedly touched 92 dB which, if you must know is higher than government mandated noise levels for closed room offices in most parts of the western world.     

The crests and troughs of their Snoring come in different frequencies, wavelengths and intensities to the keen observer while to the layman it is nothing but a bothersome hindrance to his bed time. The snoring also has a rhythm and a tempo to it which is uniquely characteristic of the snorer in question and also depends on the position and orientation of the snorer. Though traditionally this category has been a Gentleman's bastion but ever since Gender equality and the Feminist Revolution swept the world it is heartening to note that an army of snoring beauties are not far behind their male counterparts. 

2. The Sleep Talkers :  

They come a close second to the Snoring beauties in terms of popular sleep habits in Hibernators. Known and dismissed by many as incoherent and psychotic mumbling during bed time, sleep talking is said to stem from a deep rooted need to be heard to (We know why husbands and boyfriends mumble in their sleep) and hyper active brain which commands their voice boxes to give valiant speeches in their sleep; the courage for which might not be possible to muster in consciousness. 

Second hand reports indicate that Yours truly allegedly comes under this category and is said to have spoken in 4 regional Indian languages apart from German and Dutch in a single night's performance. Although the evidence is highly disputable and circumstantial as the reporters could have been dreaming or half asleep all along and it is really difficult to judge.

3. The Kickers : 

Second runner up's in the hibernation world, these wannabe footballers and kick boxers are known to practice their art form in bed. From varying intensities and angles they use their feet to generate forces and momentum to mark their territory on the bed pushing anyone and anything irrespective of size, shape or stature out of their beds. 

Beware when sleeping next to a swimmer or a track athlete who kicks in his/her sleep, you're either in for a rough night of very little sleep or if you are intelligent enough, you'll find a cozy couch to crash on for the night. Cutting to the chase, save yourself before its too late and you are cursed to a life of Insomnia.  

4. The Wall Clocks :

They are a slightly rare bunch of sleepers to notice unless you experience them first hand. A Wall clock sleeper is one who sleeps in a straight or sideways position at the beginning of one's bed time but with every passing hour he/she changes position like the hour hand of the wall clock to end up waking up on the vertically opposite end of the bed. Their ability to change the sleeping orientation aided by additional skills such as rolling, self aligning and spreading their hands a La SRK comes naturally to them and also gets refined over time and experience.

5. The Quilt Pullers :

This is the most infamously sought after category of sleepers after the snorers. Here you are drifting away to Slumberland and pop goes the quilt suddenly, leaving you shivering like someone suffering from a bout of Fits in the middle of the night. They are usually the culprits when long quilts are at play and are tricky customers to handle. They keep committing the same crime over and over throughout the night without even changing their M.O (Modus Operandi) which leaves you with no option but to pull the quilt away from them with your eyes half shut which believe me can get really difficult if a critical part of the quilt is under a bulky co-sleeper.           

6. Light Sleepers : 

They are one half of the more commonly known traditional sleeping stereotypes. 

Light sleepers are those poor souls (me included) who's sleep gets hindered by the smallest of things be it the slightly noisy flickering of a street light to the bawling of a toddler two blocks away. They are sensitive to alarms, watches, cell phone beeps and even the switching on/off of the night lamp. They can usually be found sleeping at anytime during the day but in short phases after which they are woken up by one distraction or the other.

7. Heavy Sleepers : 

Sleep comes to them irrespective of a thunderstorm happening outside their windows or the world coming to an end because of a horrendous Nuclear war, they will happily continue doing their business. 

It is in reality a Herculean task to wake such people up from their deep slumber, tried and tested techniques like tapping their shoulders, shaking them or calling out their names is of no help at all; unconventional techniques like getting the doggy or the cat to lick their faces or letting the bright sunshine glare their eyes after pulling out the quilt from their grasp so that they cannot shield themselves anymore, work like a charm.              

What kind of Sleeper are you?

   

    

The Dark Post

Warning : A very dark, traumatic and chilling post ahead. Discretion Advised. Please quit reading/ viewing the very instant you feel overwhelmed. I apologize in advance if you get depressed after reading the entire post.   

The mood of the week has been synonymous with the weather; cold, dark and not to mention depressing. The weather can make a compelling excuse owing to the approaching winter but the cause for the gloomy mood can  squarely be pinned on the visit I made last weekend to the Concentration Camp in Buchenwald, East Germany.

I admit, I have been to morgue, a crematorium and an autopsy lab, I have seen death take away some of my loved ones but never before have I visited a place that has given me constant shivers down my spine by its mere remembrance. Buchenwald is one such place, located in the midst of thick woods, it was built by the Nazis to house political opponents, Jews, Homosexuals and Gypsies among others. Primarily an extermination through labor camp wherein inmates were made to slave 15 hours a day without much food, water or toilets. Death came by the dozens with an average of 200 odd people dying at the camp on a daily basis that a permanent crematorium had to be built there to dispose of the bodies.

The following photo was taken when the Allied Forces wrested Buchenwald from the Nazis. 

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.

                             A pile of human corpses outside the crematorium waiting to be burnt.

The Corpse Cellar

             

The Height Gauge in the Infirmary

One of the many Nazi extermination techniques was that a random inmate would be picked and sent to the infirmary for health inspection. The camp doctor there would ask him to stand against a height gauge to measure his height. Lying concealed to the inmate would be a hole in the wall of the height gauge which would help a shooter at point blank range standing by on the other end of the wall complete the task at hand. This apparently was designed for two benefits, the victim would never guess how his death might come about and the shooter would never have to face his victim. 

      

Just like the citizens at the end of the video, our expressions too assumed melancholic proportions with a young lady in our group passing out on seeing some of the exhibits kept at one of the exhibitions.  

Survivors of the holocaust were regarded very lucky, the following is an account of one such survivor.

 

I left Buchenwald wondering exactly how severe my problems were in comparison to what the inmates of Buchenwald must have gone through and realized what luxurious lives we lead; being able to live a life of limitless freedom without the thought of death looming large over our heads, getting to eat lavish meals without a bother in the world and being able to do what, when and how we please without fearing for our lives. 

At the end of it all, I only felt the gratefulness multiply for being blessed with such a positive upbringing that I surmise what hurt and pain the affected must have gone through and also realize how grossly important being humanitarian is.

Lets End this one on a happier note, shall we?

        

  Our Deepavali Spread, 15 of us got together and churned out the above. 

PS: It was only after this meal that I felt some reprieve from the gloom and melancholy.

Hope you all had an awesome Deepavali.   

Tag TIme

This post has been pending for a while now and will firstly result in my hind being kicked by the parties to be mentioned hereupon. My sincerest apologies to them for the delay in carrying out the honors that they have so graciously bestowed on me. 

Ms Nirvana and Ms Spiff (in that order) had awarded me with the following awards on their blogs sometime back. 

They were either inebriated, hallucinating or both and decided that this blog be awarded. I'm grateful to them for thinking that this blog deserved mention. Another point worthy of mention here is that these were my first ever accolades in the blog world and coming from some of my favorite blog writers meant a whole lot more to a rookie like me.

Believe me this took some blog hopping and then it finally dawned on this dimwit that I am to state Seven Random facts about myself and also pass on the award to 7 other blogs. 

Cutting to the Chase -

1. I am as lazy as they come. I have been scolded umpteen number of times by the mother because I could not bring myself to walk 3 exact steps forward to switch off 2 tube lights in my room before falling asleep but would wrap the pillow all over my head to avoid the glare of the lights.

2. I`m an extremely morning person, so much so, that my body clock has accurate tuning. If I happen to set the alarm for 5 AM, 99 out of a 100 times, I would disable the alarm at 4.59 AM and also wake up the people around me because I cant bear the sight of people sleeping when I`m awake. For proof, ask the Kid Sister as to how she was force converted into a Morning Person. Yes, I know I`m evil.

3. I`m blind as a bat. Ask me for a book located in the most inaccessible shelf of a library that has the architecture of a labyrinth and I will bring it to you in a flash but ask me to get you something that's right in front of my eyes and I will fail you.

4. I have this uncanny ability to sniff out as well as throw surprise parties. Don't get me wrong here but my friends have thrown me many a pseudo surprise birthday party but someone or the other would make an excuse/ make one wrong move and the surprise would prematurely reveal itself. I for one have thrown a surprise party  to someone outside a police station calling the person up to get the original insurance papers from home claiming to be in an accident in which the car was supposedly pulverized by a truck.

5. I have the memory of an elephant. I can state to you in increasing order of size, the breakfast menu on my first flight which incidentally was the first time I traveled alone when I was all of 7. Questions such as - Are you also the size of an elephant will be politely ignored.    

6. I have this habit of keeping notes of larger denominations in my wallet because of this constant fear that if there are many 5's and 10's then the temptation to splurge will grow stronger and it is fairly easier for me to curtail the need to spend the 50's and 100's. This has nothing to do with the fact that I am a certified Miser.   

7. I am a failed cause to alcoholism. I have once downed One and half tall glasses of Long Island Iced Tea and didn't have a clue as to why my friends were sniggering away to glory but remember having sound sleep that night. I have drunk half a dozen Irish Coffees consecutively but only recently did I find out that Irish Coffee contains one quarter Irish whiskey in it. My point of contention - If I`m not getting high, why the heck should I lose money over it. 

                                                    

The award is hereby passed on to every single reader of the blog. Would love to read seven random facts about those who read this blog.    

The Reason

I`ve been asked time and again as to why I chose to baptize my blog - Atrocious Scribblings among a gazillion other possible names.

Well, the following Video clip is my inspiration.

On watching this clip, I thought to myself, if I ever blog on a platform I would try writing something as flamboyant(if not more) and wacky. The language is sheer brilliance no?

For the flamboyance to take shape, one does need a compelling enough name, doesn't one? Hence the obvious took place and this blog has and will be known as Atrocious Scribblings.

PS: What do you people reckon about the look of the space?
        

Oh Mother Earth Swallow Me

Just breathing a mammoth sigh of relief; been giving exams, vivas, project presentations and all that degree related stuff;  left,right and center for the past 3 and half months. I haven't had time to get a haircut or a shave and now look like a famished and weak War Zone Refugee (No offence to War Zone Refugees, if any are reading). Amidst the fury of exam season, I`ve had quite a few 'Oh Mother Earth Swallow Me' moments which are basically instants in which you wish the earth would actually break open beneath you and swallow you completely till the embarrassment passes away or pacifies. 

Moment 1:

Background: Weekly Skype Call with home.

Amma: Appa tells me, you have some new neighbors. Where are they from? Are there a lot of Chinese people?

Me: Yes Ma, there are some new people who have moved into the floor, they're very friendly.

I hear a knock on my door and go answer it to see my neighbor from Hong Kong standing there offering me a slice of her birthday cake.

Amma,watching the entire scene unfold, thanks to the power of Broadband Internet.

Amma: You stay away from the Chinese Okay(Stern Voice), they will act all friendly and trap you. Especially those Chinese girls, they'll trap with you with their silky hair and their Chopsuey making skills. It's an international conspiracy I tell you.

Before I could respond to her utterly racist and stereotypical observation, 

Appa: Dont worry, the girl isn't BLIND to fall for him. 

Oh Mother Earth Swallow Me, I think to myself as I proceed to close the door and find the Birthday Celebrating girl standing there giving me the coldest possible stare.

Moment 2: 

Background : Room mate's Girlfriend in the house on a weekend.

GF: You guys take a break today, I`ll cook up something special and then we can watch a movie together.

Roomie: Are you sure? I`ve never seen you enter a kitchen in your life.

GF: Wait till you eat the Biryani that's going to be made today, you'll thank your stars that you have me in your life. Just tell me how this Pressure cooker of yours works.

Roomie: Just put in the rice and the veggies into the cooker and it will do the rest. 

Two Hours later, the room is filled with a burnt stench.

Roomie: Is it done yet? I`m starting to get hungry and what's that smell? 

GF: I`m not quite sure, I used the cooker like you said.

The Roomie and me go take a peek into the cooker to find a Blackened soot of what was supposedly veggies and rice 2 hours ago. 

Roomie: What did you?

GF: I put in the veggies and rice like you said, I also added Garam Masala and a some spices. 

Roomie: Didn't you add any water?                  

GF: You didn't tell me to.

Me: Oh Mother Earth, Swallow me NOW !!!

Moment 3: 

Background : Viewing highlights of Past Chat Conversations with an erstwhile batch mate I seldom spoke to.

1st Year: We come to college to study no? I don't get how people come in Single into college and walk out with their future spouses.

2nd Year: I think it's ok to freak out a little.

3rd year: I don't think falling for someone is wrong, How foolish was I?

4th Year: Bro, Just proposed to her and she responded positively. I`m so happy, Lets Partyyy. Drinks On Me.

Just as I was going through these past chats, his Chat window flashes on screen

Yesterday: I just spoke to your friend, You're still single? WTF?

Me: Oh Mother Earth, Swallow Me NOWWWW !!!!       

               

HUBBA, HUBBA, HUBBA

Dear Reader,

                      I write this with the hope of sharing my predicament with you and wait with baited breath for your valuable inputs, critiques and possible solutions to this predicament I find myself in.

The following is a short description of my predicament:-

I was at the recently concluded Frankfurt Motor Show which could only be described as a single guy's paradise. The place was a deadly concoction of everything a Single guy can ever dream off ---> Beer,  Smoking Hot Cars, Futuristic Concept Vehicles, Smoking Hot Cars with Smoking Hot babes on them, in them, around them, under them; in all possible sizes, variants and models and I don't just mean the cars. It was a holy pilgrimage for Car enthusiasts such as myself to get up, close and personal with the Gods and Goddesses of the car world including the likes of the Ferrari's, Porsche's, Bentley's, Maybach's, Rolls-Royce's and many many more in their most divine and plentiful incarnations.          

HUBBA,HUBBA , HUBBA, were the only words that my mouth seemed to be voicing out all day, apart from the jaw dropping and gawking action that was taking place shamelessly. 

Here's a quick glimpse of what was on display

   

BMW's i8 Concept Car which will feature in the movie Mission Impossible 4 : Ghost Protocol later this year.

    

The Sexy Alfa Romeo which won many a heart.

The Alfa Romeo with some Add-On's. It was so Freaking hard to decide on what to Gawk at.

Classic Instance of the predicament I find myself in.

 

Mercedes Benz Concept A Design - Another Hottie that I just couldn't stop ogling at.

The Mercedes Benz F-125  (125 marks the 125th anniversary of the first patented automobile) 

The Fiat Abart 695 Competizione. Aint she a beauty?

At this, one of my friends asked me, Who's hotter? The Car or the Model? This was the tipping point,

I am still scratching my head, ripping off my hair but the answer still eludes me. 

I haven't slept in 28 hours or eaten in the last 15, please help me out before I'm taken to the loony bin.

I feel like Joey Tribbianni being asked which he would give up among Food or Sex. Like Joey's answer; which is Girls on bread, I too wish I had an answer, unfortunately I don't and so I ask you, the reader; to help me with this predicament I find myself in. 

Yours Sincerely 

Confused and Hungry Single Guy

PS 1: Did I mention HUBBA, HUBBA, HUBBA? I've not been able to get that out of my head. Wonder Why?

PS 2: I hereby truthfully admit that I shed a silent tear on the train ride back home when nobody was watching  owing to being forcefully dragged out from the Show venue at closing time. I loved the show so much, it HURTSSS.

*bawls like a baby* 

Picture Courtesy : Friend's Brilliant Camera Work and Google Images.

PS 3: Copying these images without prior consent gives you Gonorrhea.           

Atrocious adds another Awesome year to his Life

I dread special days like birthdays, anniversaries and the likes. One week into their lead up, the atmosphere around us just seems to change into manic crazy and depressing; more so if you are the poor soul who's special day is coming up. Gifts and goodies are of course the sunny end of the bargain but there are by-products like anxiety and curiosity.    

So here's my birthday 2011 in Review

6.00 AM -

Wake up to find that I`m running a temperature and begin to experience joint pains. Note to self, this birthday is going to trump them all (Note the optimism :D). 

Wow, I`m sick at 6 AM on a day on which I thought giving two exams back to back was going to be the spoiler. This just keeps getting better and better.

8.00 AM - Load up on pills before writing First Exam. Curses, For Pete's sake, whoever makes you write an exam at 8 AM on a Monday morning deserves to be stoned to death.

12.00 PM - Done with the first exam. Come out of the exam block and find that rains always welcome you when you don't have an umbrella. Look up at the sky and smile at your wretched luck.        

1.00 PM - Lunch at the university cafeteria. 

Blyuugh, this is what they call food, no wonder the Germans look so Grumpy and pissed off all the time.(Apparently being sick makes me a racist, who would've known?)

2:00 PM - Get ready for next exam.

5:00 PM - Done with the second exam. *Pats own back and gives self a handshake for pulling off an Anil Kumble.*

6.00 PM - Reach room dead tired after 2 bus changes and crash on the bed while making sure from the corner of my eye that the quilt doesn't look too crumpled (Yes, I`m a Virgo and have this fetish for organization - a La Monica Geller, So ???)

9.00 PM - Wonder if something edible can be made out of Cheese and Nacho Dip in the fridge ??? End up having a glass of warm milk and calling it a day.

9.15 PM - Snoring Away to glory.

10.00 PM - Woken up by a knock on the door by a group mob of 17 people who give me a cake facial with a 3 inch Toblerone chocolate topping - custom baked cake. End up getting a couple of cuts across my face because the Toblerone topping has walnuts/almonds in it, Oww. Did I mention that I`m typing this out while standing, these people kicked (Birthday Bums) the Be-Jesus outta my hind, some even wearing 4 inch snow shoes. Don't know if I`ll be able to park my rear on a chair properly for the next 2 days.      

PS 1: Had my birthday taken off my FB page to avoid replying to a 100 different people who I seldom interact with. Probably for the best, as only the people who felt I was worthy enough to be wished and blessed; did so.

Ms Spiff from Senseless Sense? or Sensible Nonsense? gets a special mention here because she wished me by email. Thank you so so so so (*spreads hands wide apart to indicate how much*) much. 

PS 2: 

Birthday 2010: Friend Meets with an Accident, breaks elbow and jaw. Spend the entire day at the hospital till his parents fly out from Singapore.

                            

Birthday 2009: Neighbor attempts suicide by hanging, slap him so hard for trying something so stupid, that his neck sprains and has to use a neck collar for a fortnight.

Either I don't have people around me doing crazy things on my birthday or Birthday 2011 hasn't been as eventful as the previous two years. 

PS 3: Why God ?? Whyyyyyyy ??? We had a deal, let the others grow old, not meee, Why are you doing this to us???  *sob sob sob*

PS 4: Dear God,

                         My prayer for the year ahead is a Fat bank account and a thin body. Please don't mix these up like you did last year.

     

Picture Courtesy : bingee.com  

   

Of This, That and Sublimity

The last one week has been; whats the word I`m looking for, A Dream. Yes, A sublime dream at that.

Instance 1: 

It's Ganesh Chaturthi (Ganesh Utsav) and I`m a couple dozen thousand kilometers away from home. Now, I`m not really the  homesick kind(much more the sick of home kinds), but missing the festivities back home is surely something that does leave you pondering, even for a emotionless tin chested robot like me. So, I do what any other person 'who slightly misses home but doesn't have the balls to explicitly say he's homesick' does ---> replicate the 'homey' feeling in the closest way possible. I gather up two of my buddies and we decide that we would go visit one of the largest Hindu temples in the EU. 

2 train rides and 3 hours hence, we reach the town where the aforementioned temple is located and we start walking in search of the temple courtesy Shree Google-Maps-a-Nanda. We come across this slightly South Asian looking gentleman who makes small talk with us; inquiring as to where we were from and a few more blah-blah-blah's later, he informs us that there were 2 more temples in the same town and that he would love to drive us there. So we decide we would visit them as well especially since it was Ganesh Utsav and plus we don't get to visit temples on a regular basis. So we tagged along with him and he took us to one of the most homely places I could have opted to be in. The smell of Camphor intermingled with the fragrance of Incense is by far the closest simulation I have lingering of home now. I couldn't take a 4 inch smile off my face for a whole 2 days just thinking that I had just experienced home simultaneously while being so far away from it.

Instance 2: 

Flash forward to the 7th ---> Did I mention EPIC ???  

1. First thing I did in the morning when I opened my blogger dashboard was check out Nirvana's Post and did the 'Roger Federer' backward fall; off my chair. Yes, I fell off my chair backwards in joy because I got awarded by her.There started a day, I will remember and reminisce for a very long time because it was purely sublime in all respects. In hindsight, I think her award was a sign of things to come later that day. I just cant thank you enough Nirvana. 

2. It wasn't raining on the 7th because what was happening outside my window could easily be termed as a fine and persistent yet irritating sprinkling of water from the heavens. As I sat refreshing my university email id for updates regarding the project I`m working on, I hear a knock on the door. 

As I go and answer it, I see my college mate of 6 years standing there with the brightest smile on her face and a silver foil package in her hands. I invite her inside and offer her some hot Desi Chai while we catch up. She opens the package and stuffs my mouth with the most hot, delicious Aloo-De-Parathe I've ever had. I really couldn't have asked for more surprises from a single day; Rainy weather + old friend who shows up at your door step with a smile  +  Lip Smacking Aloo-De-Parathe = SUBLIME.

Instance 3:

If you're a T.V show freak like me, you'd not miss one single episode of your favorite shows. If you haven't watched Suits or Burn Notice, what are you waiting for? The Universe to give you a divine signal? 

Both these shows had their season ending finales yesterday, they just had class written all over them. The downside however is that I have to wait a couple of months to watch the next season of both these shows and I have not stopped raving about both the season finales of these shows to my friends ever since I watched them yesterday evening. 

I have frankly run out of adjectives to describe Suits, the writing is just brilliant and the actors have added finesse to the respective characters especially the female leads who not only look smoking hot but have elegance in equal dosage. All you lawyers would love this show, although how much of it is actually true and how much is hokum; you will have to enlighten me on that.   

  

Burn Notice has been successfully running from 2007, so watching it if you like Wit, Sarcasm, Action, Crime and a superb story line all packaged into one is not something you will regret doing. The attitudes of the characters and first person narration is what draws you hook,line and sinker.

That was my week in review, What have you all been upto?

PS: Happy Onam to you all , May your cup of Joy be filled with Happiness,Prosperity and Success and over flow with Celebration.

Picture Courtesy: Swami Google-Image-aa-Nanda  

    

A Letter to Amma

Dear Amma

                    It was 5.00 Am on a drizzly Wednesday when you were born; today you woke up under the exact same conditions as you did when you came out of Amma-ma's belly to another busy day filled with work,work and more work. Sleepily you rolled your hair into a messy bun and went to put on the coffee machine for your first of many coffees that day. Along the way smiling to yourself for being the Coffee Guzzler; drinking 7 coffees a day has been your only addiction, which you have vowed to kick but have miserably failed at. The warm hug that your daughter (who snuck up from behind) gave you with a kiss on the cheek coupled with a loud Scream of Happy Birthday AMMA made your day today because you clearly choked when you said so to me on our skype session.

You, mother have turned another year older today, though you don't make a big deal out of your birthday, this year I thought I would write a post about you to just try and comprehend how much you have grown from the coy 22 year old first time mother to the confident PhD holding Professor and super-mom of 2 that you are today. 

      

I confess, I've always been a Mama's boy (There, I've squandered whatever little hope I had with the single ladies :P) and I'm proud of it because you are not one teeny tiny bit the spoon feeding type, because I was told  you would give me food on a plate even as a two year old to eat by myself;  even though I would end up spitting and spilling most of it around me, you made it a point not to feed me as you wanted me to be self-sufficient from an early age. Being a teacher, you have and still always insist on people doing their own thing, however simple or complicated they might be. You are the epitome of stubbornness; when you have your eye set on something, you will wait for the opportune moment  to pounce on it and  be rest assured that you always get what you want, that's something I desperately need to learn from you. I just find it difficult to imagine as to how you managed to do your under graduation as a 22 year old with a kid to take care of and later on also worked on your post graduation and doctoral work while taking care of me and the kid sister. When the sister and I  were of the school going age, I distinctly remember you siting with us for our daily study sessions in the evening while you tended to the household work and also did your research simultaneously; you have basically had an 18 hour day for the last 22 years at the least and I have not once seen you grumble or curse your fate. I reminisce how I would proudly announce to anyone and everyone that you were and still are the most qualified person in our family. Mind you, that's difficult to achieve when you have an I.I.T educated husband by your side, but you, my PhD holding mother have always been my hero because you have been a fighter all your life; struggling with difficult bosses, taking care of a bed ridden mother-in-law and managing a household in which the husband travels 15 days a month while clearly holding fort is not something anyone would bargain for in a marriage, but you have been the Rahul Dravid of our home for the last 24 years, stamping your class and elegance in your every single action. 

Although you still cannot come to grips with operating that mobile phone of yours or use a laptop without someone's assistance, you still are the undisputed Official Lizard and Cockroach Slayer at home, a post I maintain even Appa is too scared to handle despite his towering presence at home. I could go on and on about you, but words will not do justice to describe the Awesome, Warm, Angelic and Tough cookie attributes that god has so magically and beautifully rolled into one human being -  YOU. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMMA 

Your Son

Atrocious 

Heights of Jawblessness

This is by far the most jobless I've been in a while. Ironic considering I have to give 8 exams this month but all I`m doing is visiting kickass blogs, reading them, commenting on them and then feeling guilty that I haven't finished my day's quota of study. Bah, it's almost customary during exam season to feel guilty for not having worked hard enough.

This is what I chanced upon on the internet during my random loitering there.

Brilliant Worded Sarcastic Replies to Signboards -

TSCHAU !!!