SLEEPYHEADS

The withering leaves, chilly evenings and the morning frost on car windows are all indicative of the fact that winter is well and truly approaching. As a proud lazy head , I exercise my fundamental right to laze around, eat and sleep at any which time I deem right and rather aggressively, which by the way also makes me an efficient Lazy head. It is this very quality that has powered the research for this post.

Gentlemen and Rough ladies, I present to you this winter, my observations on Hibernators.

1. The Snoring Beauties :

This vintage category of hibernators have been famous since the time sliced bread was declared a breakthrough discovery. Infamous for disturbing the sleep, peace and mood of their co-hibernators they have quietly made a mark for themselves in the history books with the likes of Winston Churchill, Liz Taylor, Theodore Roosevelt among their ranks. The record for the world's loudest snore is held by a gentleman in the UK whose snores supposedly touched 92 dB which, if you must know is higher than government mandated noise levels for closed room offices in most parts of the western world.     

The crests and troughs of their Snoring come in different frequencies, wavelengths and intensities to the keen observer while to the layman it is nothing but a bothersome hindrance to his bed time. The snoring also has a rhythm and a tempo to it which is uniquely characteristic of the snorer in question and also depends on the position and orientation of the snorer. Though traditionally this category has been a Gentleman's bastion but ever since Gender equality and the Feminist Revolution swept the world it is heartening to note that an army of snoring beauties are not far behind their male counterparts. 

2. The Sleep Talkers :  

They come a close second to the Snoring beauties in terms of popular sleep habits in Hibernators. Known and dismissed by many as incoherent and psychotic mumbling during bed time, sleep talking is said to stem from a deep rooted need to be heard to (We know why husbands and boyfriends mumble in their sleep) and hyper active brain which commands their voice boxes to give valiant speeches in their sleep; the courage for which might not be possible to muster in consciousness. 

Second hand reports indicate that Yours truly allegedly comes under this category and is said to have spoken in 4 regional Indian languages apart from German and Dutch in a single night's performance. Although the evidence is highly disputable and circumstantial as the reporters could have been dreaming or half asleep all along and it is really difficult to judge.

3. The Kickers : 

Second runner up's in the hibernation world, these wannabe footballers and kick boxers are known to practice their art form in bed. From varying intensities and angles they use their feet to generate forces and momentum to mark their territory on the bed pushing anyone and anything irrespective of size, shape or stature out of their beds. 

Beware when sleeping next to a swimmer or a track athlete who kicks in his/her sleep, you're either in for a rough night of very little sleep or if you are intelligent enough, you'll find a cozy couch to crash on for the night. Cutting to the chase, save yourself before its too late and you are cursed to a life of Insomnia.  

4. The Wall Clocks :

They are a slightly rare bunch of sleepers to notice unless you experience them first hand. A Wall clock sleeper is one who sleeps in a straight or sideways position at the beginning of one's bed time but with every passing hour he/she changes position like the hour hand of the wall clock to end up waking up on the vertically opposite end of the bed. Their ability to change the sleeping orientation aided by additional skills such as rolling, self aligning and spreading their hands a La SRK comes naturally to them and also gets refined over time and experience.

5. The Quilt Pullers :

This is the most infamously sought after category of sleepers after the snorers. Here you are drifting away to Slumberland and pop goes the quilt suddenly, leaving you shivering like someone suffering from a bout of Fits in the middle of the night. They are usually the culprits when long quilts are at play and are tricky customers to handle. They keep committing the same crime over and over throughout the night without even changing their M.O (Modus Operandi) which leaves you with no option but to pull the quilt away from them with your eyes half shut which believe me can get really difficult if a critical part of the quilt is under a bulky co-sleeper.           

6. Light Sleepers : 

They are one half of the more commonly known traditional sleeping stereotypes. 

Light sleepers are those poor souls (me included) who's sleep gets hindered by the smallest of things be it the slightly noisy flickering of a street light to the bawling of a toddler two blocks away. They are sensitive to alarms, watches, cell phone beeps and even the switching on/off of the night lamp. They can usually be found sleeping at anytime during the day but in short phases after which they are woken up by one distraction or the other.

7. Heavy Sleepers : 

Sleep comes to them irrespective of a thunderstorm happening outside their windows or the world coming to an end because of a horrendous Nuclear war, they will happily continue doing their business. 

It is in reality a Herculean task to wake such people up from their deep slumber, tried and tested techniques like tapping their shoulders, shaking them or calling out their names is of no help at all; unconventional techniques like getting the doggy or the cat to lick their faces or letting the bright sunshine glare their eyes after pulling out the quilt from their grasp so that they cannot shield themselves anymore, work like a charm.              

What kind of Sleeper are you?