Curious Case of a Part Time Insomniac

One realizes the true virtue of something when one experiences its extremities. The warmth in the dead of winter is best appreciated when the heater goes kaput, the value of a charger is realized when the battery level on our devices reads 1% remaining and the sight of a recently emptied toilet paper roll in the bathroom when we're done with our 'business' makes us realize that we possess emotions like shame or humiliation.

In the life I`ve known so far - I`ve been a morning person. Waking up when it is still pitch dark and dead silent outside, taking in the crisp air that is pregnant with freshness and making the first brew of strong coffee; not merely as chores but rituals that I have grown up with while pacing myself for many a day- ahead.

In order for me to be up by what would still qualify as the middle of the night for most people; 10 PM irrespective of the day of the week is when I fell asleep. The world shut down at that arbitrary point on the clock only to restart again in the wee hours of the morning and lights out wasn't merely a physical switching off of the lights but of my eyelids as well. This system literally worked like clockwork ( no pun intended) when I would wake up from my hours of necessary rest  at precisely the same time every morning.

However recently, things took a turn for the worse. For the first time in life - I found myself straying on the dark side - with being consistently awake beyond my bedtime and struggling to get some shut eye despite lying in bed for what seemed like all eternity. Being new at the insomnia circus, I didn't really know what one did to kill time. To add to the sleeplessness, the silence in the room is so thick you could literally cut it with a knife. It is like a floating entity watching you stare at it while sneering at you. 

There is only so much staring that one can do in the dark without one's subconscious going into overdrive. Some of the areas I constantly touch during such bouts of sleeplessness are stark boring but other earth shattering questions like - Why are the housewives in Desperate Housewives so desperate? Does Sex and the City actually show porn? Did the makers of How I met your mother suffer from a brain freeze post Season 2? Will there ever be a show as awesome as FRIENDS? also figure in the mix.   

If this were at home in India, I surmised that I'd have the luxury of staring at the creaky rotating fan for solace but not here. To top that I'd probably go and wake up Amma in the middle of the night and she'd very sleepily make some wisecrack about reading her Doctoral Thesis for leisure which has magical sleep inducing powers and shoo me away. 

Eventually when I did fall asleep, it was because I was bored out my wits and finally decided to take solace in the last resort - to read through an extremely drab Control Engineering textbook filled with pages and pages of equations and circuits filled with dozens of alphas, betas, gamma's, delta's, PI controllers, feedback loops, Flux capacitors and time machines to finally get some shut eye in the succeeding few moments. 

To the wiseass who coined the phrase - Mommy knows best; Amen to you kind Sir/madam.

The Cappadocian Roller Coaster - Turkish Sojourn - Part 3

If you are as clueless as to what's going on, I'd say- get your hind here , here and come back to this one.

After literally treading the streets and squares of Istanbul, a pleasant change of scene awaited us at Cappadocia which was a good 800 kms and a 10 hour drive from Istanbul. The road trip by itself was memorable for more reasons than I can count on my fingers and deserves a post by itself but since that is not the focus of this post, I will give you a shorthand lowdown on the (mis)happenings of our road trip.

We left Istanbul at 3.00 AM to learn that our GPS system was not functioning and went around in circles till we tanked up at a bunk and also asked the tanking guy for directions. Filled with the enthusiasm of doing a road trip, we had conveniently forgotten that most tanking assistants in Turkey still spoke only Turkish and not      a word of English. Half an hour of failed sign language gesturing later someone realized that they had a map of highway network on their I-Pad and we were promptly directions to the highway.

5 hours hence

Cruising along the ruggedly beautiful Turkish countryside at a swift 160 clicks an hour, the steering of the car seemed to lock up and the engine shut off magically; fortunately we managed to swerve at the right moment and came to a halt in the service lane. On alighting from the vehicle we were welcomed by a healthy breeze at -7 C and  thick fumes from the exhaust. We had to call the rental company to inform them about the breakdown and asked them for a replacement vehicle since we didn't have the time to waste on repairs. They replied that our breakdown location would take them about 2 hours to reach.

What does any sane person do when he/she is in a breakdown in the middle of nowhere with freezing conditions outside?

Sit in the car and enjoy the magic of the heater, right?

Wrong, we parked ourselves on a floor mat on the service lane in front of the broken down vehicle to play cards in the freezing weather. This in hindsight turned out to be one of the craziest things I have done till date.

One replacement vehicle and 4 hours hence, we reached the scenic town of Göreme which is perched in the valley between the Fairy Chimney mountains in Anatolia, Turkey just in time for dinner that evening. Being lead into our rooms by the hotel staff would certainly figure in some of the tales I have earmarked to tell my grand kids; for it is a sight that will never fade from memory.

Imagine being escorted to a hotel room that is actually carved out from a cave. Simply awed that we were going to be spending a couple of nights here, Food was the first words out of my mouth as we were a group of famished young guns.      

Loaded on a breakfast of fresh toast, cereal and Turkish Coffee, we ventured out to explore the sights and sounds of the valley surrounding us the next morning after a good 9 hours of blissful sleep. The first activity for the day was a bomb, quite literally.

The first thing we did on reaching the take off spot was to ask each other to pinch us to remind ourselves that we were not in a dream and would be taking off on a hot air balloon in minutes. As we took off from the spot and slowly towered above the valleys and the mystic chimney shaped rock formations, the view got dizzier and prettier at the same time, certainly a first for me. Zooming past many such fairy chimneys and valleys in exhilarating fashion ; the ride came to an end in about an hour and a half with the popping and polishing of a bottle of Alcohol Free Champagne.

It was probably the most loaded day of the trip and probably my life as well, as the next task on plan was a Quad Bike ride into the valleys of Cappadocia. For those of you, who don't know what a Quad bike is

Riding through the rough terrain of mud, slush, snow and rock; the drive gave us a ground side view of what we had previously explored perched atop the hot air balloon. The sights of the valley were simply breathtaking in most places and coupled with some monkey like bike stunts(All terrain Vehicle) we did over the slopes, rocky meadows and mountain passes made us realize that we had spent almost 4 enthralling hours with the bikes which seemed to pass off in a matter of minutes, Darn you relativity.

Binging on a meal at a restaurant with a pot of Shisha to go with thereafter, we prepared for the evening to come which if you must know showed absolutely no signs of dying down on the excitement front.

        

The Fire reminded me of Dragon aka DIGS

The evening began with food, drink and more Shisha coupled with exhibition of Turkish cultural dances which included a Priest Dance, A Wedding dance, Acrobatics and a sizzling display of solo Belly dancing by an expert female dancer with 4 inch heels who taught a bunch of foreign volunteers from the crowd a move or two after her performance. As expected they looked pretty ordinary and tired at the end of their 15 minute training session while the lead dancer giggled and gave them each a handshake and a peck on the cheek for trying.

Early next morning we set off to Ankara, the capital of Turkey and were to fly out that night back to our homes in Germany. Ankara reminded me a lot of Delhi's NCR where the government offices, organized traffic and clearly demarcated military only zones. The day saw us visiting a couple of mosques and museums after which it was time for us to check in at the airport to fly back.

A week after getting back, a friend AK mentioned to me that we had almost pulled off a ZNMD type trip with the Ballooning, Quad Biking, Belly dance trial and a crazy Road trip, I had to agree with him. 

We had taken the vacation of a lifetime.    

    

Lazy and Loving it.

BLEH ALERT

Have been in a very fickle mindset for the past few days; not being able to make up my otherwise firm mind  which if you must know does not cover up for the fact that I have been downright lazy in updating this space. Just that I haven't found anything interesting to do with this dark,depressing and motivation sapping weather here. One feels like retiring to bed after 4 in the evening when its already pitch dark outside and hunger strikes earlier than expected. The only plus side to winter is being able to watch  the dreamy white snowflakes populate the lawns and driveways while armed with a cup of steaming coffee and simultaneously resting your feet against the heater - Therapeutic I must say.

With the sub zero temperatures, snow and practically nothing to do; the roomie and I ransacked the kitchen this weekend to end up making - Nutella and Butter filled French Croissants. For one, eating fresh food out of the oven is probably the closest I`m going to get to orgasmic and secondly the kitchen has additional heaters making it all the more attractive to stand next to a fuming hot electric stove or an oven.  

This is how they turned out.

After gorging on only half a dozen (On a diet you see :P) of these babies and taking a nice long siesta in the dead of the day, I can safely say this weekend was eventful.               

                                                              What have you guys been upto?

PS: What do you guys think of the header? 

  

Betrothals, Babies and Bleh

RANT ALERT

Off late, I`ve been getting mails, facebook messages, phone calls(mostly in the wee hours of the morning *curses the time difference*) and texts in the dozens informing me that someone is either getting married, engaged, committed or popping out babies.

Just imagine, when someone(read : Bestie) calls you at 3 AM to tell you :-

a) That a schoolmate has given birth to triplets while cutting your gasped reply to 'TRIPLETS???' short by

b) Informing you that another guy buddy who used to play cricket with you in his Half Knickers and Hawai chappal is getting married in 10 days.

For heavens sake I shrieked and said - I thought he was just 20 , Bestie says - turns out he was.

c) That notwithstanding, a third schoolmate whose chats often remind me of the good old kiddy days was conned into visiting his ailing grandfather on his "DEATHBED" and married off in a matter of 3 days.     

Had anyone else dared calling me at that ungodly hour with news bits like these; 5 bygone generations of their family would have been royally blessed and showered with my ability to spew out swear words faster than a high end garden sprinkler that would have surely made them toss and turn in their graves.  

What is it about November huh, is it like a Year End Sale?

Take your pick; Babies, Husbands, Wives, Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Boy/Girl Toys ---> Flat 70 % off.

HURRY,Offer Valid till stocks Last, 

*Conditions Apply.

On a more realistic note, the following picture adequately sums up what I`m going through right now.

       

SLEEPYHEADS

The withering leaves, chilly evenings and the morning frost on car windows are all indicative of the fact that winter is well and truly approaching. As a proud lazy head , I exercise my fundamental right to laze around, eat and sleep at any which time I deem right and rather aggressively, which by the way also makes me an efficient Lazy head. It is this very quality that has powered the research for this post.

Gentlemen and Rough ladies, I present to you this winter, my observations on Hibernators.

1. The Snoring Beauties :

This vintage category of hibernators have been famous since the time sliced bread was declared a breakthrough discovery. Infamous for disturbing the sleep, peace and mood of their co-hibernators they have quietly made a mark for themselves in the history books with the likes of Winston Churchill, Liz Taylor, Theodore Roosevelt among their ranks. The record for the world's loudest snore is held by a gentleman in the UK whose snores supposedly touched 92 dB which, if you must know is higher than government mandated noise levels for closed room offices in most parts of the western world.     

The crests and troughs of their Snoring come in different frequencies, wavelengths and intensities to the keen observer while to the layman it is nothing but a bothersome hindrance to his bed time. The snoring also has a rhythm and a tempo to it which is uniquely characteristic of the snorer in question and also depends on the position and orientation of the snorer. Though traditionally this category has been a Gentleman's bastion but ever since Gender equality and the Feminist Revolution swept the world it is heartening to note that an army of snoring beauties are not far behind their male counterparts. 

2. The Sleep Talkers :  

They come a close second to the Snoring beauties in terms of popular sleep habits in Hibernators. Known and dismissed by many as incoherent and psychotic mumbling during bed time, sleep talking is said to stem from a deep rooted need to be heard to (We know why husbands and boyfriends mumble in their sleep) and hyper active brain which commands their voice boxes to give valiant speeches in their sleep; the courage for which might not be possible to muster in consciousness. 

Second hand reports indicate that Yours truly allegedly comes under this category and is said to have spoken in 4 regional Indian languages apart from German and Dutch in a single night's performance. Although the evidence is highly disputable and circumstantial as the reporters could have been dreaming or half asleep all along and it is really difficult to judge.

3. The Kickers : 

Second runner up's in the hibernation world, these wannabe footballers and kick boxers are known to practice their art form in bed. From varying intensities and angles they use their feet to generate forces and momentum to mark their territory on the bed pushing anyone and anything irrespective of size, shape or stature out of their beds. 

Beware when sleeping next to a swimmer or a track athlete who kicks in his/her sleep, you're either in for a rough night of very little sleep or if you are intelligent enough, you'll find a cozy couch to crash on for the night. Cutting to the chase, save yourself before its too late and you are cursed to a life of Insomnia.  

4. The Wall Clocks :

They are a slightly rare bunch of sleepers to notice unless you experience them first hand. A Wall clock sleeper is one who sleeps in a straight or sideways position at the beginning of one's bed time but with every passing hour he/she changes position like the hour hand of the wall clock to end up waking up on the vertically opposite end of the bed. Their ability to change the sleeping orientation aided by additional skills such as rolling, self aligning and spreading their hands a La SRK comes naturally to them and also gets refined over time and experience.

5. The Quilt Pullers :

This is the most infamously sought after category of sleepers after the snorers. Here you are drifting away to Slumberland and pop goes the quilt suddenly, leaving you shivering like someone suffering from a bout of Fits in the middle of the night. They are usually the culprits when long quilts are at play and are tricky customers to handle. They keep committing the same crime over and over throughout the night without even changing their M.O (Modus Operandi) which leaves you with no option but to pull the quilt away from them with your eyes half shut which believe me can get really difficult if a critical part of the quilt is under a bulky co-sleeper.           

6. Light Sleepers : 

They are one half of the more commonly known traditional sleeping stereotypes. 

Light sleepers are those poor souls (me included) who's sleep gets hindered by the smallest of things be it the slightly noisy flickering of a street light to the bawling of a toddler two blocks away. They are sensitive to alarms, watches, cell phone beeps and even the switching on/off of the night lamp. They can usually be found sleeping at anytime during the day but in short phases after which they are woken up by one distraction or the other.

7. Heavy Sleepers : 

Sleep comes to them irrespective of a thunderstorm happening outside their windows or the world coming to an end because of a horrendous Nuclear war, they will happily continue doing their business. 

It is in reality a Herculean task to wake such people up from their deep slumber, tried and tested techniques like tapping their shoulders, shaking them or calling out their names is of no help at all; unconventional techniques like getting the doggy or the cat to lick their faces or letting the bright sunshine glare their eyes after pulling out the quilt from their grasp so that they cannot shield themselves anymore, work like a charm.              

What kind of Sleeper are you?