Holler from the beyond

*clears cobwebs and runs fingers along dusty surface - coughs*

This is precisely what happens when the closest you come to writing involves documenting not one but two extremely volumnious, exaggeratingly drab and pointlessly boring 'scientifc' thesis projects both of which have no traceable semblance of commonality whatsoever - so much for cut, copy, paste and their second cousins.

If that doesn't kill whatever the heck you were passing off into the world as your precious sense of creativity - I don't know what would/ could.

PS: I know that this space has been as dead as Kristen Stewart's acting skills  in Twilight  - I hope to give it the required shot of adrenaline and defebrilate it back to life.

PPS: I promise to write more often - Motherpromise, Godpromise...

Wait for it - Now wait some more

Ladies and the one Gentleman who read this space, you know who you are - I have news for you; I am the alive (thanks for the yawn) and have been on a mundane streak with absolutely nothing to share on this space which ideally means that the contents of the hand tissue that you cleaned your lip with after lunch would have been more interesting than the stuff I would have littered here. 

Now that we have that sham of an excuse in place, I`m going to come out with the truth - I always knew this was going to happen sooner or later and its finally caught up with me. Its No 2 on my list of nightmares after Judgement Day 2012 which we all know to be the Gospel truth but I`m going on a tangent here because the issue at hand is something we popularly know as Yips or Writer's Block.

Any amount of time spent staring at the screen does not seem to help because the idea's are simply not flowing or at best I end up writing incoherent meaningless stuff that have a stench worse than the main line of the Metropolitan Sewage system which I wouldn't want to read myself let alone subjecting you folks to it. 

I was someone who presumed until now that writer's block was a figment of one's failure to imagine and generate new idea's but let me assure you that is as real as tooth decay which needs a painful root canal apart from the nagging ache that disrupts your daily routine. What makes this fascinating and frustrating at the same time is that Writer's block has no parallel; Eater's don't experience Eaters block nor do walkers experience walkers block then why is it such a pain in the hind?    

Various techniques ranging from spending time in the most creative room in the world - the loo to taking hour long showers to this have all been tried and they all failed with flying colors. I really am at wits end staring at the seemingly tangerine bucket that seems to mock at me for not kicking it.

I even tried writing a poem, be forewarned that I suck at poetry and never really understand it.

Here are the words I sing,

Evil is a horrid thing,

I sing sing sing,

Dinga linga ling.

See, I even made them rhyme - Go on shoot me now; You have unrestricted permission.

Does anybody know what to do to kick Writer's Block on its hind?

          

I want to sound wimpy and damn it - I shall

You have been hereby forewarned that another episode of my psychotic ranting and wimping is in session.  

I know I haven't written much on this space to begin with but this month has been the worst - I've only moved as far as an asthmatic ant with some heavy shopping so far as writing is concerned. Yes, I've been away and know fully well that you missed my nonsense - Do I hear nay-Sayers? I`m sure your noses just grew longer.   

So here I am back doing what I do - rant the hair off of my head because this has been one rant worthy month indeed. Changes have come left, right and center and screw up's have happened almost at the speed of light; so bite me if I sound wound up and cranky.

Thunderbolt 1: Donning the role of the Lone wolf

I've always maintained that I don't get homesick because when I feel like its going to set in, I distract myself by claiming to be too awesome to be homesick #TrueStory. In fact I had tricked myself so much that the meaning of homesick had changed to sick of home for me. 

Turns out the roomie made me feel at home since day one and since he had to move to his lady's town for an internship(convenient for him) - I`ve had to slog not only with empty space but with all those memories of the awesome times we've had together. What do you call a person who gets homesick after 2 years? Is there even a term for that?    

Thunderbolt 2: The floor being swept off underneath you.

As the world welcomed February and with it the last few weeks of winter, the month of love and the shortest month of the year; I was rather bluntly informed that my dormitory would be torn down in April to make way for a bigger and more sprawling dormitory. 

To imagine that I am going away from the place I've called home away from home, the place where I got to eat so many different cakes, cookies and pies every week and most importantly the place where I've had the honor of having 12 different people from as many nationalities as neighbors was equivalent to a lower jaw punch to say the least. Just when I thought I was set and getting comfy here - I will have to set up my stuff in some other place; make new floor mates and start over again. Summing up I`m going to have to be - shameless, company less and homeless in a month from now because where I`ll shift to will at best be a room in a dorm but not a home.

Thunderbolt 3: I know what you did in the Exam Hall

I had been raving to all and sundry about this tough cookie cum terror cum monster of an exam that I had last week which involved every freaking module of my bachelor degree and was 5 hours long. I had even begun preparing for it more than a month prior to the date of the exam. If you know me well enough you will realize that for me to take something in life this seriously, I would have to be severely affected by

a)  Terminal disease leading to death.

b) Threatening by a conniving blackmailer.

c)  Watching a weekend marathon of Don 2, Ra One, Ek Deewana Tha and Tell me Oh Khuda and checking my pulse to make sure I was alive.

d)  Giving this exam.

So, The D-Day arrived and I very nervously tried to mask the noise of my chattering teeth and involuntary disco dancing of my trembling feet exhibiting my not so candid fright for this exam by trying to make small talk outside the exam hall with my friends and was pretty sure I was succeeding as much as a Zebra wearing dark glasses attempting to get into a Polar bear only golf club.

Into the exam we went hoping to come out alive and hopefully sane. As the question booklets (What do you think, it's a 5 hour exam - there had to be a booklet) were distributed and people started reading into them, I saw multiple sets of eyes widen, something I had not even seen happen even when they watched a well made horror flick. I knew right then that there was a gang rape ( pardon the language but the word is the closest description of what actually transpired) in the offing. Mentally preparing myself to face the music - even before I get my question booklet, a pair (gf-bf) hand in their materials and leave the hall. 5 minutes into the exam and 2 people had quit already.

An hour into the exam only ten people are left sitting in the exam hall and a few dozen pairs of eyes are staring at me from outside wondering what I could possibly be doing in the middle of a crisis zone. It was a crisis indeed, a large crisis; if you may. In fact a 15 storeyed crisis with plush interiors, carpeting, 24 hour electricity and a large billboard on top that reads in bold - THIS IS A LARGE CRISIS. 

I stuck it out; I lasted 5 hours in that hall. It's anybody's guess what the outcome of the exam was going to be like but I stuck it out - A zen monk was born. Of course there were expletives hurled at the paper setters family - mother and sisters in particular by my generally well meaning but temporarily infuriated Hindi speaking friends at the end of it but I was just glad it was over and so were they.     

   

PS: If you've read the post this far, firstly congratulations and if you thought this sounded like the condensed  version of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid, you're probably right.

That's enough blah for now. 

  

The Wind on my Face

The dark circles under my eyes, the stress lines on my forehead and a few dozen grey strands in the midst of my already thinning hairline were telltale signs that I had to exhibit  show that I was in a high pressure job. Having taken up my first job immediately after a grueling 4 years of an undergraduate engineering degree from a stellar university and doing absolutely nothing related to what my undergraduate program taught me in terms of work I did seemed like a compromise in the beginning but the money more than compensated for it.

Fed up with the mundane grind of daily life, a dozen different failed attempts at a relationship and almost becoming an alcoholic cum drug addict; I found that loneliness and frustration were my sole companions through the journey thus far and most things had not exactly turned out as per plan. People and their opinions nauseate me; for it is the only thing they share for free and merely because it is of no use to them.When asked on how to end life, people will give you a million and more reasons to live without respect for personal choice. I was an über frustrated soul and it was Time.

Destiny had sucked away all the excitement from life and I wasn't going to go out without reclaiming some back. So, I chose to do the act from a very high bridge figuring that it would give me the high of an adrenaline rush; second only to a shot of morphine which I had generously injected into myself in the past but resolved again not to in therapy. Taking initiative has always been my forte and I marched on to the edge of the bridge and leaped off it before my mind could process another thought and talk me out of it.

Within the first second of my free fall, the mind bombed itself with a countless thoughts as it was kick started by the inflow of adrenaline and I could finally feel the healthy breeze plough through my hairline. It is said that when one falls from a large height with the eyes closed, the subconscious shows you images of your loved one's, dreams and passions among other things. True to the word, I could picture the smiling faces of my parents; their hopes, dreams, wishes and prayers for me. Visibly scared at the thought of how they might react to this act of mine; I opened my eyes to witness the serene canyon and the thin stream of water between the mountains as I descended downward rapidly.

As I shut my eyes again for the next few milliseconds of my fall, I could picture my numerous ex-girlfriends, most of them opportunists who utilized my thick wallet to their advantage save one who helped me come out of Drug Addiction and vowed to wait for me as she knew my decisiveness when I said a firm no to her. Her smile had lit up many a day in that dark passage of time but being the clown that I was; I put her on the back burner and was paying for it now as I missed her company, her smile and her warmth terribly. All I wanted was to envelope her into a hug and never let go. 

In real time, one and half seconds had passed since the instant I jumped off the edge and I was regretting it already, I was too chicken for the fall but it was too late now that I was midway and being continually pulled down swiftly by the forces of gravity. I hoped and prayed from the deepest trenches of my heart that I could undo what I had just done and start afresh again but alas it wasn't to be. Pulling myself together in what were my last few seconds on planet earth, I looked skyward to see a beautiful sunrise from the crevices of the mountain tops and smiled because I wanted to go out on gratefulness.

As if on cue and much to my amazement, I felt an aggressive tug on my ankles and partially stopped mid air only to realize that I had bungee jumped off a bridge and was oscillating like a pendulum from end to end. I continued swaying in mid air till all the potential energy from the jump was dissipated and was hauled up to the bridge from where I had jumped off.

Turns out Life does give you second chances.       

                 
PS: My first attempt at fiction. Comments, rotten tomatoes, eggs and brickbats - Welcome.
               



          

Lazy and Loving it.

BLEH ALERT

Have been in a very fickle mindset for the past few days; not being able to make up my otherwise firm mind  which if you must know does not cover up for the fact that I have been downright lazy in updating this space. Just that I haven't found anything interesting to do with this dark,depressing and motivation sapping weather here. One feels like retiring to bed after 4 in the evening when its already pitch dark outside and hunger strikes earlier than expected. The only plus side to winter is being able to watch  the dreamy white snowflakes populate the lawns and driveways while armed with a cup of steaming coffee and simultaneously resting your feet against the heater - Therapeutic I must say.

With the sub zero temperatures, snow and practically nothing to do; the roomie and I ransacked the kitchen this weekend to end up making - Nutella and Butter filled French Croissants. For one, eating fresh food out of the oven is probably the closest I`m going to get to orgasmic and secondly the kitchen has additional heaters making it all the more attractive to stand next to a fuming hot electric stove or an oven.  

This is how they turned out.

After gorging on only half a dozen (On a diet you see :P) of these babies and taking a nice long siesta in the dead of the day, I can safely say this weekend was eventful.               

                                                              What have you guys been upto?

PS: What do you guys think of the header? 

  

Of Hot Spots and Jackpots

Recently there has been this continuous wave of blog writers taking a sabbatical from their blog writing owing to reasons ranging from paucity of time to sheer laziness to mind blocks to attend to the push and pull of their regular lives. The blog world doesn't seem the same without my Favorite Blog writers around and their regular dose of inspired writing which got me here in the first place.

Since I have no standing on matters such as Time paucity, Sheer Laziness and attending to the push and pull of their daily chores, all of which I`m sure plague the lives of these blessed souls. I thought I would write something on Writers Block to help out their case a little.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I put forth my research on situations/ hot spots wherein the creative juices flow more fluidly.

1. The Washroom -

The toilet has probably been the Butt of many jokes since its invention mainly because of the bodily functions associated with it and tending to make people squeamish talking about it. The toilet has been an integral part of the human hygiene system and is certainly no flush in the pan.      

I`m fairly certain most of us get some of our most inspired ideas while taking a shower or while using the toilet. Deny it all you may while making constipated faces, but there is solid research to prove that the most inspired ideas that have seen daylight in the history of mankind were conceived in the washroom. Many ideas and innovations ranging from the Archimedes Principle to the invention of the modern day toilet which if you must know figures on the top 10 list of the greatest inventions in history, were all achieved in washrooms.

Consider the famous Eureka moment; there lay the great Greek thinker, philosopher and mathematician   Archimedes bathing himself when it struck him that objects could be made to float  on water when they displace their own fluid weight. It could have happened to him while eating or while sleeping, nay; it struck him at that exact moment and when he ran buck naked across the streets of Sycrause yelling Eureka, Eureka, history was indeed made.

This topic also came to me in the loo but for you to fully understand the potential of the washroom and its effect on the grey juices, check out the Baap of Toilet humor - Kalpak.   

2. Exams-

Every student's nightmare,

Every parent's cause for anxiety,

An invigilator's swear zone

But an absolute idea landmine.

Honestly tell me, haven't you felt most creative during the time before an important exam or an important deadline for that matter. Even staring at a blank wall or the ceiling gives you the most creative ideas in this magical time called Exam season. Come vacation time, even though you have all the time in the world and the same wall/ceiling to stare at, the ideas just don't seem to flow as rapidly or fluidly as they did during exam season.

This just goes on to prove that We don't get what we want, when we want it.

3. Nature -

A popular haunt of many a famous thinker, it provides the necessary change up in scenario promoting the flow of thoughts and often leading to breakthroughs in the thought process. Whether it is the individual effect of the Fresh Air, Sunlight, Water or Greenery or the combined product of the aforementioned it has proven instrumental in catalyzing the flow of thoughts and is generally said to bring about a positive outcome.

4. People - 

Human beings are observers by nature, that's one of the basic tenets of Anthropology. Observing the way others behave and copying them as children and writing about how someone eats cookies dipped in plain yoghurt as bloggers; stems from the same focal point - People.

Whether it is witnessing a shrieking 4 year old getting pushed into a swimming pool to quell his fear of water or how someone mistook the contents of a finger bowl at a restaurant to be lemonade, people are a perennial source of ideas and never cease to amaze us. Conversations, observations, chats (both real and virtual) , texts, tweets, TV shows, music, movies and practically anything along these lines often serves as good fodder for ideas.   

              

5. Getting out of the Comfort Zone - 

It is said achievements both big and small occur when one treads out of one's comfort zone. So if you are plagued with a block, try some out of the ordinary stuff like taking an unplanned holiday or eating an ice-cream at -19 C ; basically something that will not get you killed or seriously injured. The out of the ordinary experience makes for apt blog writing and lets face it, there's loads of fun to be had at the same time. 

This is sometimes crucial because it helps broaden perspective, gets us out the rut and eliminates fear of acceptance plus everyone could always do with a little change up right?

What other ways do you think there are to beat the Blues?  

    

                    

       

The Dark Post

Warning : A very dark, traumatic and chilling post ahead. Discretion Advised. Please quit reading/ viewing the very instant you feel overwhelmed. I apologize in advance if you get depressed after reading the entire post.   

The mood of the week has been synonymous with the weather; cold, dark and not to mention depressing. The weather can make a compelling excuse owing to the approaching winter but the cause for the gloomy mood can  squarely be pinned on the visit I made last weekend to the Concentration Camp in Buchenwald, East Germany.

I admit, I have been to morgue, a crematorium and an autopsy lab, I have seen death take away some of my loved ones but never before have I visited a place that has given me constant shivers down my spine by its mere remembrance. Buchenwald is one such place, located in the midst of thick woods, it was built by the Nazis to house political opponents, Jews, Homosexuals and Gypsies among others. Primarily an extermination through labor camp wherein inmates were made to slave 15 hours a day without much food, water or toilets. Death came by the dozens with an average of 200 odd people dying at the camp on a daily basis that a permanent crematorium had to be built there to dispose of the bodies.

The following photo was taken when the Allied Forces wrested Buchenwald from the Nazis. 

VIEWER DISCRETION ADVISED.

                             A pile of human corpses outside the crematorium waiting to be burnt.

The Corpse Cellar

             

The Height Gauge in the Infirmary

One of the many Nazi extermination techniques was that a random inmate would be picked and sent to the infirmary for health inspection. The camp doctor there would ask him to stand against a height gauge to measure his height. Lying concealed to the inmate would be a hole in the wall of the height gauge which would help a shooter at point blank range standing by on the other end of the wall complete the task at hand. This apparently was designed for two benefits, the victim would never guess how his death might come about and the shooter would never have to face his victim. 

      

Just like the citizens at the end of the video, our expressions too assumed melancholic proportions with a young lady in our group passing out on seeing some of the exhibits kept at one of the exhibitions.  

Survivors of the holocaust were regarded very lucky, the following is an account of one such survivor.

 

I left Buchenwald wondering exactly how severe my problems were in comparison to what the inmates of Buchenwald must have gone through and realized what luxurious lives we lead; being able to live a life of limitless freedom without the thought of death looming large over our heads, getting to eat lavish meals without a bother in the world and being able to do what, when and how we please without fearing for our lives. 

At the end of it all, I only felt the gratefulness multiply for being blessed with such a positive upbringing that I surmise what hurt and pain the affected must have gone through and also realize how grossly important being humanitarian is.

Lets End this one on a happier note, shall we?

        

  Our Deepavali Spread, 15 of us got together and churned out the above. 

PS: It was only after this meal that I felt some reprieve from the gloom and melancholy.

Hope you all had an awesome Deepavali.