Being the Single in a Committed World

TO THE MARRIED/ENGAGED/COMMITTED FOLKS

Let me first take this opportunity to warn you beforehand, this is going to be one of those complaint box type posts where I ramble on and on about the issue at hand.

What does the universe have against us Single people? What have we ever done to you? I have off late noticed that, anyone and everyone I know seems to be in a relationship. From crazy love ridden Facebook statuses by guys my age to kids I've grown up playing cricket with are all now in committed relationships. Its almost an Epidemic, I tell you.

Now what this means to us Single people is that, we are usually caught unawares between the said friend and his love interest. The same guy who used to be able to come to the movies on any given weekend or play cricket at will or merely hang out with a beer on a Friday, suddenly has no time in the world for you. His mobile phone is his most trusted sidekick in this 'comedy' that is apparently his relationship. He spends more time kissing and canoodling his phone more than the actual girl herself. All questions with regards to why he did not turn up for last weeks snooker game or the Friday evening TV Football Marathon are met with a single and standard answer- You're not in a relationship, You wont understand.

What is it about a relationship that brings about this sudden and tectonic shift? Lets try and break the mystery in our own little way, Shall we?

So here's a list of things, you as a single guy/girl have experienced whilst being among married/about to be married/committed folks.

1. Never ending Love calls - Technology has improved and made communication much better and cheaper. The fact that 15 years ago, your local Uduppi restaurant sold Vada at 50 paise, when an STD call costed 5 Rs and now an STD call costs 50 Paise (or cheaper depending on the network you use) and a Vada costs about 5 Rs just goes on to show how technology has grown and how we misuse it to our advantage. The average gf/gf will resort to late night calling, depending on place of residence of course. My friend here in Germany has an app installed on his desktop and phone showing him what the exact time difference is between him and his Singapore based girlfriend so that she gets a good nights sleep. Now that's foresight and not everyone in relationships is as prudent like him; I reckon. Take the example of another friend who was almost broken up by your's truly for being on the phone with his lady love at 2.30 in the morning when there was a crazy party going on while he was oblivious to the truth and just went on and on by his own agenda till I lost track of how long he was on his love call.

All I ask you; committed people is, Yes, do talk to your loved one's on a daily/ hourly basis but please for heavens sake also don't forget to live the life you had when you were otherwise normal and flaunt your relationship in front of your single friends because:-

a) Some of us don't give a rodent's rear end.

b) Its outright obnoxious and frustrating when we have to put up with having invited you for dinner and 90% of your time at my place is spent talking to your lover. The only way we communicate with you is by becoming expert face reading professionals when we watch you display a spectrum of expressions ranging from a very Gay-ish sounding - 'Ohh Honey, oh sweety' to a Girlish 'Awwww' during your conversation.

2. The Gift Shopping Episodes - This is another one of those things that makes my blood boil, that I`m almost venting steam out of my ears. Why do you always pick the single guy to go with, when you go gift shopping for your lover? The gift selection is such a big deliberation, the delving into of which is done in of which is such great detail and attention that it would have rendered the lifelong efforts of the great Leonardo-da-Vinci worthless. The guy must not have read his 12th board exam question paper with such intent, but will put his entire concentration on getting his lover the perfect gift.

I recently happened to be tagged along for one such episode with a buddy of mine to a chocolate store and he spent close to 3 hours on the phone with almost half a dozen of the said girlfriend's closest friend group and finally came to the conclusion that he didn't want to buy from that particular store. I swore never to accompany him thereafter.

3. Discrimination - Single people are discriminated against everywhere and all the time.

Sample this,

1. When you're taking a train trip as a single guy, under no normal circumstances will you chance upon an attractive single lady travelling unaccompanied. It always has to be the possessive mother/father/elder brother who will go to the extent of mauling you, if you so much as steal a glance at the aforementioned young lady. Common folks, Occasional flirting is the greatest adventure that can happen to us poor souls, Have a heart and let us have our little bit of fun.

Fairly common in train journeys is also the irritant of people asking us single guys to Adjust Please. What can possibly be written on our foreheads that makes you think we should not stake claim to a lower berth. We do have a ticket that says otherwise. But not wanting to create a ruckus, we half-heartedly agree to your offer of switching to the Upper most berth where the ceiling is so low that you cannot turn over in your sleep without being hit by it.

2. Been to the movies alone? The annoying Ticket Uncle always gives you a corner seat. If it wasn't frustrating enough that your friends ditched you for the movies, the annoying couple next to you just cannot keep their hands off each other. In the bargain you miss 3 quarters of the movie on the silver screen but end up watching a poorly made Porno. (2 movies for the price of One. :D)

3. Ever tried going to a restaurant alone ???, You are perennially invisible to the waiter who does not understand the distress that you're under, for you are a simple creature who just needs your food to get a move on. You have to go to the extent of whistling for the waiter to place your order, Notwithstanding your frenzy driven waving to him he comes at his own sweet pace to take your order and brings you your given order which you can pretty well expect to taste funny and suspicious. Your frequent visits to the loo the next day are a direct result of a combination of the waiter's cold revenge that was served to you yesterday along with a few curses of his.

4. In the pubs and bars, Don't ever go to a bar with a married friend, take it from me. We`ve come here to drink our worries away and not to listen to your share of problems with your mother/father/sister-in-law. Over drinks we single people like to check out other attractive singles in the room and bang that's the exact auspicious moment you pick to tell us the most wretched of your sorrow stories. Being the large hearted souls that we are, we listen like we care, as you ramble on and on about life, marriage, love and its various pitfalls while simultaneously cursing you mentally for having cost us the opportunity to hit on that hot babe in black that we were scouting all night long, who just left after not being hit on by anyone.

Life is unfair to us single's but then again there are the those occasional moments which leave us gloating in glory

1. Like when you committed folks get into fights and come to us for sounding off on your lover/spouse/girlfriend and for insight like we're relationship PhD's.

2. Lets face it, we singles are the one's you turn to for your rebound or for consolation immediately after you've broken up.

3. We qualify as loyal buddies and great listeners, when you committed folks share with us your lengthy accounts of your romantic instances with your cute gf/bf, It sure isn't romantic to us, but we would never say that to your face because we love seeing you and your loved one smile ear to ear.

4. We're the first one's you turn to when your relationship seems like it's going South. We act as Peace brokers and in the process make ourselves look like buffoon's but would not say that explicitly because we see you so happy with your loved one.

We love you all to bits, we can hate you at times with vigor, but we can never leave you out of this circus we call life.

Here's to a peaceful co-existence.

Yours Lovingly

Frustrated Single Guy Caught up between Married/Commited/Engaged People.